I used to adore Psalm 139, those incredible verses that help us see our life from a God ordained purposeful angle.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭139:13-15‬ ‭ESV‬

All mothers have a special place in their hearts for those verses. They are words that affirm when we are pregnant, that we are carrying a miracle, a God created miracle, and those words remind us that life indeed is precious.

Embrace yourself for honesty.

I have hated those verses for the last 10 years.

Until recently… When it felt like a giant lightbulb was switched on and I understood something for the very first time. I hope that this switching on happens for someone reading this, I have a gut feeling that it just might click today.

For those who follow our stuff online you will know that our eldest daughter Lily who is now 10, was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis when she was just a few weeks old. It was a total shocker. And she is the reason that these verses have been my biggest struggle.

For the last 10 years I have skimmed over them. They have been a chip on my shoulder and a few months ago someone read them out in church. Even on announcing they where just about to read from Psalm 139, my attitude was anything but good. Then came those classic words you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. Ouch!!!

I rhetorically responded in my usual sarcastic way: what God? Did you drop a stitch when you were knitting her (just keepin it real) and then came the beautiful moment of a gentle Holy Spirit whisper, calling me to ask him about it.

Why this had not occurred to me before seems stupid now.  I want to rewind 10 years and somehow scream at my 25 year old new mother self to just ask. What was I thinking, why had I not thought to ask him to help me understand these verses?

So that’s what I did – I asked him.

It was raw, honest, asking.

Help me understand this. You knit her together….. I know deep down you didn’t make her like this. You could have fixed her before she was born? Did you drop a stitch? Why this pattern? This is too hard and these verses wreck me. 

You need to show me. I need to understand

My lesson here was brilliant and I should have expected an answer…. After all I had asked. I was still surprised (and probably not expectant) when my brain cells and thought pattern got a massive makeover the next week.

We had been in the middle of studying the book of Ephesians at church. Whilst looking at the first few verses in chapter 1 , l this whole idea of spiritual blessings, heavenly places was being preached out. One of the leaders used a great illustration that I shall be stealing when required, and it felt like it was something that just came to him between our 2 morning services.  He had been looking at the back of an iPad, and true enough in small print, designed in California, assembled in China. Then came his point about us – designed in heaven, made on earth. And there came my spiritual slap around the face –  and it felt like God was  smirking I didn’t drop a stitch, that pattern was perfect here.

I wish I could tell you the weight that left my shoulders that I didn’t even realise had been there. I tried hard not to laugh, but smiled as God was so faithful in answering my question – he helped me understand. I left church with a new confidence and a spring in my step.

There is something beautiful in this idea. Designed in heaven, made on earth. The sad part of course is that we have to experience the flaws of anything on earth at all, but there is incredible hope knowing that it’s not supposed to be like this.

So many times we try to argue away, justify, make sense of what doesn’t add up. We can pray for his kingdom to come here on earth, sometimes we see it and sometimes we don’t,  but I personally find it the greatest source of hope and comfort knowing His heart for us is good and knowing ultimately that His kingdom will rule for all eternity and that’s what matters.

Perspective.

Things change when we start to realise there’s another point of view. I have come to know that my greatest source of doubt comes when I start to question and doubt his goodness towards me. It’s the old question that I know the world seems to wrestle with – why do bad things happen to good people?

This one small phrase designed in heaven, made on earth says it all for me. It’s not the way it’s supposed to be. God is good. His ways are perfect. Ultimately it all comes together for us to see it and call it good too.

Let’s never lose sight in the middle of our adversity that our God is for us.  Whatever you are journeying, whatever difficulty you are walking through I pray that you find comfort knowing that His way is perfect and His heart toward you is good.

There are some things that aren’t in His plan but I love that even in those things he’s working in the middle of it all.

Keep going. Keeping looking up, and with faith let’s believe that Heaven and all that it holds, can still make a glorious entrance here on earth.

His kingdom come .